When Friend Becomes Foe

“Oppose my opponents, Lord. fight those who fight me…Let those who take my life be disgraced and humiliated. Let those who plan to harm me be turned back and ashamed…they dug a pit for me without cause. Let ruin come on him unexpectedly, and let the net that he hid ensnare him; let him fall into it- to his ruin…They repay me evil for good… yet when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth, I humbled myself with fasting and my prayer was genuine…they gathered against me. Assailants I did not know tore at me and did not stop…Do not let my deceitful enemies rejoice over me…They do not speak in friendly ways, but contrive fraudulent schemes…”  Psalm 35 CSB 
This Psalm was written by David. He is most likely referring to Saul and those with Saul. In the beginning, Saul loved and trusted David. He made him his armor bearer, had him play his harp for him, he was best friends with his son Jonathan, and eventually married one of Saul’s daughters, Michal. He once took him under his wing much like a son. BUT it wasn’t long before Saul became jealous and sought to destroy him. 

Can you relate to David? Maybe someone you trusted turned their back on you. Maybe you felt attacked or used, tossed to the curb with yesterday's garbage. What happens when a Friend becomes a Foe? 

I attended my daughter's school chapel this week, and her class did a skit on forgiveness. At the end the kids all quoted the definition they have learned about what forgiveness is. “Forgiveness is releasing someone’s sin, never to bring it up again.” I thought what a great definition! Luke 17:3 says, "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and comes back to you seven times, saying 'I repent,' you must forgive him." But what about when the one who has wronged you is unrepentant?  “Our forgiveness of others is likewise modeled upon God’s forgiveness of sinners, whom he forgives conditioned upon their repentance. God does not forgive apart from repentance; neither should we.” (Justin Taylor, The Gospel Coalition) The Bible tells us if someone doesn’t repent, they are not allowed into Heaven and that "without repentance, there is no remission of sin!” (Romans 10:9)  A loving God can’t allow us to continue in our sin without consequences. What is repentance? Miriam Webster defines it as “a profound change of mind, heart, and direction, involving a sincere, voluntary turnaround from sin toward God. While often associated with regret or remorse, true repentance goes beyond feeling sorry to include a firm resolution to change one's behavior and life.” How should we respond to someone who has wronged us? The Bible tells us in Matthew 18:15-17 “if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you you have won your brother. But if he won’t listen, take one or two others with you, so that by that testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established. If he doesn’t pay attention to them, tell the church. If he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like a Gentile and a tax collector to you.” (Treat them as an outsider) There are times when the loving thing is to withhold forgiveness. God may use us in this way to bring a person to repentance and to Him. Forgiving unremorseful evildoers isn't kind or loving. We are depriving them of the opportunity to repent, be transformed into the image of Christ, and fulfill God's purpose for their lives.  

So how do we respond/relate to this kind of individual, the one who has no remorse? Do we act unkindly? No, scripture even tells us to love our enemies. Romans 12:17-21 “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. IF POSSIBLE, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ To the contrary ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

So practically, how do we love the unrepentant? 

1. Pray for them. They either don’t know the Lord or they are out of fellowship with Him. Pray for their salvation. If they are saved, pray God’s conviction and chastisement over their lives. (Matthew 5:44, Proverbs 3:19)
2. Pray for our own hearts, that they don’t become bitter. Pray that you’ll always be ready to forgive if that person ever is ready to repent. They may never come and ask forgiveness. Their repentance isn’t your responsibility. Your responsibility is to have a heart prepared to forgive, to be prepared to forgive so deeply that you have the strength “never to bring it up again.” 
3.  Don’t rejoice if God does send that chastisement. (Proverbs 24:17-18)
4. Don’t be a gossip. (James 1:26, Ephesians 4:29, Titus 3:2, Proverbs 21:23) If we are honest with ourselves we think- maybe even say things like, I just want people to know _________ for who they really are! Just because it’s true, doesn’t mean it needs to be repeated. If we are getting joy out of hearing or saying “did you see?” or  “Did you hear?” then we are harboring sin in our own hearts.  Gossiping just keeps the pot stirred and keeps us from moving forward in the way God wants us to. God wins in the end. Justice will be paid, by the only one qualified to do so. But remember God  “is not willing that any should perish, but that ALL should come to repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9 KJV) I’m sure glad that people and most of all that God, He doesn’t see me for “who I really am!” He sees Jesus in my place. 

Was David wrong to pray the way he did? It sounds like he was praying down the vengeance of God? His prayers aren't seen as sinful revenge, but as a righteous appeal for God to execute divine justice. David, (often in life-threatening situations) entrusted justice to God rather than taking vengeance himself. When you feel overwhelmed, don’t call a friend to vent. Call out to God. Satan glories in our broken relationships with others, but he does so even more when that spills over into our relationship with God. Disconnection from people, we can bear when necessary. Disconnection from Him robs us of victory for the cause of Christ. Are you letting what’s been “done to you be bigger than what He did for you?”